Autoimmune Disease and Quiet Addiction
“If I woke up and was not in pain it was rare but I thought I’ll have pain eventually so best to take a pill to be proactive.”
Kimberly Howse was diagnosed with systemic lupus at 25, news that brought along with it mental health issues in the form of depression and anxiety. She battled both physical and mental pain and found herself addicted to pharmaceutical pain killers in a way that was not drastically disrupting her life. For a while she was able to convince herself that she was not addicted. Howse was prescribed meds for her joint pain and fatigue. Vicodin at first to manage the pain, steroids and Plaquenil to reduce swelling, anxiety and sleep meds for her deteriorating mental health. Before long the Vicodin became too harsh for her stomach so her doctor sent her to a pain specialist. This is where she was started on oxycodone. She took Percocet for pain every day.
Autoimmune diseases are lifelong diseases that are difficult to diagnose and therefore tricky to treat. They develop when the body’s immune system attacks the body’s healthy cells, tissues and organs instead of protecting against bacteria and diseases. They include chronic illnesses like rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, type 1 diabetes , and lupus and are more prevalent in women.
The journey to diagnosis is extremely frustrating as the symptoms associated with these diseases are far too often attributed to other conditions. Add in to that the mislead belief that women exaggerate their pain and you can be sure to find many women with stories that include multiple opinions, various tests, and experimentation with many medications to no avail. This journey can inevitably lead people to become strong advocates for their health, seek alternative healing methods, and get really in tune with their body. The positive byproduct of this is a community that shares information and helps one another. But it can also lead to mental health issues and desperation as people are left with the task of piecing together specialist’s opinions in order to address their symptoms while balancing a full life. The negative byproduct can be addiction.
Scientific American published an opinion piece on Dec. 1 2023, “Autoimmunity Has Reached Epidemic Levels. We Need Urgent Action to Address It,” relaying the importance of treating the rise of autoimmune disease as the epidemic that it truly is. If you have been diagnosed with one you likely have heard that there is no cure and the doctors are not able to tell you what exactly caused it. The lack of research into the cause and cure for autoimmune disease is alarming as they are among the most expensive diseases to treat. National Institutes of Allergy and Infectious Diseases looked at 20 million people in 2001, the latest year data are available, who had been diagnosed with 29 autoimmune diseases. They estimated that the cost of treating them was more than $168 billion, based on 2023 dollars. This is about what the U.S. spent last year on the Departments of Homeland Security and the Interior combined.
The effects of autoimmunity are far reaching. Chronic illness attacks not only the patients but wreak havoc on families and affect performance at work and in life. For those without the proper resources, the way in which it impacts ones ability to work has a direct effect on how you can treat your disease , which can often result in early death. When treating these diseases radical life changes are required before you see any results. While doctors can’t tell you what causes them “research suggests these increases in autoimmune diseases are related to remarkable changes in our environment and lifestyles, including alterations in diet and upsurges in obesity, sleep deprivation, stress, air pollution, exposure to toxic chemicals, and infections.” Patients often find themselves on decades long journey’s to identify exactly what they have, all the while suffering. And even after they obtain the proper diagnosis, they are left with treatment that only treats the symptoms and does nothing to actually help eliminate them. Thus rendering them lifelong slaves to pharmaceuticals. It is no surprise that the physical and mental pain can lead to quiet addiction.
This quiet addiction is what Howse shared with me when we spoke. While she initially began painkillers to treat her pain, she eventually found herself relying on them to get through her day.
“I got used to popping a pill with breakfast. If I woke up and was not in pain it was rare but I thought I’ll have pain eventually so best to take a pill to be proactive. After a while I was no longer taking them for pain. They made me happy. Gave me more energy. I got into the habit of taking them when I wanted to better deal with a situation. One day I woke up and realized I was addicted. I was taking them as if they were vitamins. I didn’t think I needed to seek help but did require a mindset change. I saw what it does to others. I told myself I did not want to deal with the repercussions should it get worse and got really dependent. I took the time to wean myself off. I started taking a pill every other day or half a pill. I started using other tools to deal with life. Walks, meditation, prayer, better eating habits. Meditation helped with the ability to get off other medications because it allowed me to detach from expectations of how the day should go. I can’t rely on drugs to help me float through life without dealing with emotions. Dealing with emotions makes you stronger. “
Howse’s journey took her to Mexico where she sought alternative treatment for her pain. A cousin’s coworker’s wife shared about her lupus diagnosis and how she was cured by a doctor in Mexico. Howse was skeptical but she was desperate. The doctor had a theory that some autoimmune diseases are caused by a parasite which if treated early enough could be killed and the disease cured. Howse had heard horror stories about Mexican doctors and their alternative methods so she initially rejected the treatment. The doctor told her she would need to stop taking any medications she was currently prescribed, something she had tried before and landed herself in the hospital. Finally, she decided to give his protocol a chance. She stopped taking her meds and after two months, the results made a believer out of her. Her pain and rashes went away. She stopped taking any medicine and followed the Mexican doctors protocol for 8 months. She has not had any issues since 2018 and has not taken any medication since.
“It’s been my miracle.”
Addiction often leads a person to tolerate conditions that are not ideal for their health. This is why quiet addiction can be so insidious. Without the rock bottoms associated with disruptive addiction, a functional addict can remain locked in a holding pattern where they are avoiding negative feelings and any incentive to change. This only further strengthens their dependency on pain killers . Their ability to deal with life, their emotional resilience, atrophies. Denial can prevent any chance at considering a different way, a better life.
Howse recognized her developing addiction and chose to make a change. Her mission to find another way led her to confront the conditions she was allowing herself to live in and therefore gave her the courage to try alternative healing methods. A choice that transformed her into an example for others.
Howse created a community by hosting lupus support groups for 12 years. She uses social media to share how to identify symptoms and what helped her conquer hers. She speaks on the lifestyle changes that eased her anxiety and restored and strengthened her mental health. She knew the loneliness that came with navigating the disease and wanted to help others. In 2021 she shifted to the fitness/wellness community and became involved in personal training as well. She emphasizes the importance of exercise and how we eat to push through our ailments. The research aforementioned backs up her belief that what we consume, both physically and psychologically, directly impacts our health and can help us conquer our illnesses, if not at least mitigate the pain and prevent further disease. Often if you are diagnosed with one autoimmune disease, another one may follow if we are not diligent about how we treat our bodies and minds. The stress and depression that comes from seeing and feeling your body succumb to these illnesses are enough to trigger flare ups and attack other parts of your system. It takes a lot of mental fortitude to fight and having a community you can trust, one that knows what you are going through and takes your pain seriously, helps you do just that.
As we wrap up the call, she reflects on the nature of her addiction. Far too often we wait for those rock bottoms to realize we even have a problem. A loud addiction is easy to spot, you can’t hide from its disastrous consequences nor can you easily hide it from others. But a quiet addiction can slowly destroy you if you don’t have the self-awareness or push to make a change. In the same way, autoimmune disease symptoms are often ignored until they can no longer be. Until your body starts crying for help. Early detection in both cases is imperative before irreparable damage is done.
“For a while I did not think I was addicted. It’s interesting that I convinced myself I was using it just for the lupus pain when I wasn’t. I did things I didn’t remember. My daughter told me she had conversations with me that I had absolutely no recollection of. That’s what got me. To have conversations with my husband and daughter and not remember. That’s one of the things that made me realize I HAVE TO CHANGE. Hearing that was a kick in the butt. Might not be dramatic but I do feel I’ve experienced being addicted without knowing it. Huge lesson, a huge part of my life was affected. My family. My body. Hopefully people can catch it before it goes too far.”
Kimberly Howse conquered both her autoimmune disease and her addiction. While there are moves being made to increase resources and research to better understand these diseases and spotlights being pointed at the severity of the epidemics of autoimmunity and addiction, it has become evident that in many ways it is up to us to save ourselves. And while it is important to share the stories of those who did not make it, it is equally important to share the stories of survivors so that they can be examples of what is possible. So that maybe they can provide a semblance of hope to the millions of people quietly suffering.